I have to make an obligatory “I’m back at school” post, so here goes. I’M BACK AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!! Aside from not seeing a few of my best friends yet, I know this year is going to be great. I had to move in a little early so I could attend a few recruitment workshops for my sorority, so I’ve been here for a few days. I am loving my roommate and my room. It is BEAUTIFUL! I’ll post a few pictures soon of the room. 🙂
Every year when school begins again I always get a feeling of newness…I know what you’re thinking. “Of course there’s a feeling of newness, you’re going into a NEW year.” It’s a different feeling, this newness. It feels almost like you have the power to be a better you. I read my fair share of self help books, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’ve read every diet book, manual on de-cluterring one’s life, guru and meditation book there is out there. I love the thought of being the best possible person I can be. However, this more often than not leads to unrealistic goals and expectations for myself. I often confuse my best with perfection, like many other people I know. I realize that this is not a unique affliction, but I do often feel troubled by this. I want to live the perfect college life; go out to parties, attend football games, get a 3.8, look awesome, meet the love of my life, and eat too much pizza. I have a really hard time knowing what is doable versus what is idealistic. I will always feel awkward when I go out, I will never be able to eat pizza and drink beer without gaining weight, I probably won’t get a 3.8, or look awesome all of the time. However, I still have this ideal image of me doing all these things all of the time. It’s hard to shake preconceived notions of places and people once you’ve formed them. I think being my best is more about loving the moments that make up my existence. I know that I have a personal flaw of being dismissive of moments while I’m in them. I have a hard time enjoying where I am at any present moment in fear or anticipation of what is coming next. I know that being MY best will mean stopping and enjoying each moment I have here at college, and savoring the people and friends that I have the opportunities to share them with. Each breath you take is a new moment that is fleeting. Additionally, I will not only love each new moment, but I will not dwell on moments that are less than pleasing. Do you ever run a bad moment that you’ve experienced over and over in your head to see what you could have done differently? I do it constantly. I will replay a moment, and I will pick myself apart about what I did wrong or what I could have done better. Each mistake is an opportunity to make yourself better.
So far this year, I have done a lot of good things, spent time with my friends, and met a few new people. I’m excited for what next week and the week after will bring.
“If you don’t love yourself, I’ll make you see your own heart.”