I’m in a strange place between not being able to accept the inevitable. I am not ready to grow up.
Adults around me listen to me say this, and they scoff and mention something about how the real world will put me on my ass. I am not afraid of this ominous and mysterious “real world.” I think I can handle a budget and some ramen (even though I do have a propensity towards nice things). I am more worried about compromising my friends and myself.
A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to spend time with my three best friends in the entire world in one of my favorite cities, Washington, D.C. Alyssa, Alice, Grace and I have been friends my whole life. Alice and I met in the first grade, and Alyssa and Grace came to me around the third grade. These women know my soul. They know what makes me tick and what makes me cry. They have been around to celebrate some of the most beautiful and most sad times of my life. It was Alyssa’s house I stayed at when my mother had surgery on an invasive tumor when I was in the 7th grade. Grace and I rode to travel Rec League soccer every Saturday from elementary to middle school, and Alice has been a rock that has gotten me through failed relationships, failed tests, and the past 12 years of school, and three years of college. They are all so important to me on a level that I can’t even begin to describe.
And I am terrified of losing them.
I am crying even while I write this because I worry that College graduation will bring us new jobs in different parts of the country, relationships that will lead to marriage, and houses with picket fences that are so far removed from our lives in Windsor and Suffolk. I am terrified of never being able to sleep in Alyssa’s huge bed- all four of us lined up in a row- ever again.
Life is changing, and it is taking me in a direction that I anticipate with great reverence and terror.
There are moments when the terror overtakes me (mostly when I’ve had too much to drink), and I get overwhelmed. However, I always remember:
“Don’t let life pass you by :)”
This phrase (smiley face and all) was graffittied on Pitchkettle Rd. in Suffolk, VA, the way I rode to get to Alyssa, Alice, and Grace’s houses. This phrase became a staple in our high school life and friendship. Whenever we were in a car, we stopped whatever we were saying when we reached Pitchkettle in order for us to be able to read the phrase aloud.
Life is changing for us. We are morphing into four different people with four different lives that may take us to four completely different places. Instead of living in fear of a broken friendship, I vow to celebrate every single day that we are together. Alyssa, Alice, and Grace live in my soul and run through my veins. I cherish every moment I have and will have with them. I cherish the fourth grade slumber parties, underage beer, soccer games, and Christmas Break reunions as much as I will cherish the husbands, wives, weddings, babies, houses, paint samples, and phone calls of the next forty years.
“Don’t Let Life Pass You By :)”
I love you.